This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
