and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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