She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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