i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
