I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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