I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
