Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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