Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
