You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he was CRYING into my vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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