I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
