I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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