she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
