Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
