so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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