So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
