one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
