I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
