Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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