sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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