I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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