The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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