I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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