Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
