her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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