hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
