Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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