My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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