we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
