I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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