When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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