That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
