the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
