Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
