i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
