3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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