She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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