the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
