The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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