I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
