my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
