6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
