I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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