What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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