Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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