You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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