piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
