yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We need to get me chipped asap
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
