So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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