i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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