Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
