Betty ford says i'm here all night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone