So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
