I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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