And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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