y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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