some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
