I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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