It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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