Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize