Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
