Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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