Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
